“When Kylie Hodgson gave birth to twin daughters by caesarean section, she was just relieved that they had arrived safely.

It was only when the midwife handed them over for her to hold that she noticed the difference between them.

Remee, who weighed 5lb 15oz, was blonde and fair skinned. Her sister Kian, born a minute later weighing 6lb, was black.”

“The grind is for when there are two trolleys either side of an aisle, carelessly held out just far enough that a trolley can't quite get between them. I go between them anyway, and allow the wedge shape of my trolley gradually to push theirs out of the way. I call it "the grind" because of the satisfying sound of metal against metal it makes.”

“TWO women were caught romping in a train station toilet, a court heard yesterday.

Nicola Hudson, 22, and Ann-Marie O'Neill, 29, were heard "moaning and groaning" by a cop at Manchester Piccadilly.

He looked over a cubicle wall and saw O'Neill naked from the waist down, kneeling and caressing a topless Hudson.

After several minutes the officer told them to stop and get dressed.”

• Piss Christ
• Virgin Mary in Dung
• Jesus is fucking metal (Penny Arcade comic; and T-Shirt)
• The Sainted Diana with blood dripping from her mouth oops... not due to be sainted for a few years yet...
• Jesus's room-mates (Alien loves Predator comic)
• Dogma (by Kevin Smith; and Buddy Christ merchandise)
• Jesus Chainsaw Massacre
• Jesus Christ Superstar
• Jesus and Pals (on South Park; and ex-Merchandise)
• Jerry Springer, the Musical (inc. Jesus in a nappy)
• The Last Temptation of Christ (book, film; Jesus gets it on)
• The Life of Brian