“If 2003 UB313 is a 10th planet, astrologers say it may have a profound influence over people's lives, and thus on the forecasts astrologers make. But its potency cannot be discerned until perhaps several years after the astronomical debate is settled, when astronomers have had time to chart its orbit. So astrologers are not inclined to do anything hasty. There will be no tearing up of charts, no hurriedly penciling in a new planet and certainly no crossing out of Pluto, a body that many astrologers hold near and dear.”

“With synergy, all the computers on your desktop form a single virtual screen. You use the mouse and keyboard of only one of the computers while you use all of the monitors on all of the computers. You tell synergy how many screens you have and their positions relative to one another. Synergy then detects when the mouse moves off the edge of a screen and jumps it instantly to the neighboring screen. The keyboard works normally on each screen; input goes to whichever screen has the cursor.”

“In spite of our hard work and the launch of Legions, AC2 has reached the point where it no longer makes sense to continue the service. We will be officially closing the Asheron's Call 2 service on 12/30/05. Until then, we plan to run live events, but we will not be adding any content or features.”

“A trial using safety screens is underway on Britain's M1 motorway which runs up the spine of England, from London to Leeds.

The screens are going up on the central reservation on the stretch running through Bedfordshire.

Drivers can cause tailbacks by slowing down for a better look at crash sites.”

“March 21
had nicking day out. he nicked me hat, shoes, socks, hairbands, drinks, champagne. had sex”

“Our star offenser said that he did not want to live in London, preferring to live near the Nike Trafford Ballpark on the outskirts of the city. I think his main reason might be that there is a far higher percentage of women in their 50s near our Ballpark than near the London Chelseas.”

“Madison's credits include Sodomy, Throat Yogurt, Un-natural Sex 11, Pussyman's Teen Land 9, 5 on 1, Shitty Shitty Bang Bang, Real College Girls 12, Double Vag and Blow Me Sandwich 5.”

“[T]oday at the German Games Convention, Microsoft Corp. revealed that consumers can get their hands on Xbox 360™ - the most powerful and feature-packed next-generation video game and entertainment system - for as little as $299.99 U.S./€299.99/£209.99 starting this holiday season. For gamers who want to experience the ultimate digital entertainment thrill ride, Microsoft also announced a model with hundreds of dollars worth of accessories for $399.99 U.S./€399.99/£279.99, giving consumers the definitive entertainment experience at an unbelievable value right out of the box.”

“Warren [Spector] would have us believe that it's easier to adapt a linear narrative to an interactive medium, than to adapt one form of linear narrative (say, print) to another (say, film). This is a load of horseshit. As an example, consider the hoops that poor Raph Koster and his team have had to jump through; they know full well that every player of Star Wars Galaxies is going to want to be a Jedi (well, except for me--I want to be Jabba the Hutt, or possibly one of the clone traders), yet they're forced by the nature of the universe to make Jedi powers scarce--frustrating the desires of their players in order to kowtow to the Sacred Vision of George. Linear narrative forces you to make decisions (he is the only Klingon in Starfleet; he is the last of the Jedi; he alone defends the bridge to Helms Deep; if she does not marry now she will be an old maid of 26 and unmarriageable; if he does not defy his stepfather now the Kingdom of Denmark is lost; under the force of Soviet oppression, what is a intellectual forced to paint houses to do but despair and fuck as many women as possible even at the expense of his own marriage) that are simply untenable in an interactive product where alternative decisions must be equally tenable.”

“the average cost of producing an Xbox game is 202 million yen ($1.82 million) as opposed to 96 million yen ($877,000) to develop a game for the PS2”

“Sunday, August 14th at 20:33:00, EVE Online broke the 13,000 Peak Concurrent User (PCU) barrier when 13.422 players were on at the same time. This record is the last in a series of PCU records following EVE's latest expansion”

“Though obviously bright, Grant has had little education. He was readily susceptible to the shaky "theology" of the so-called Muslim Boys, who began by discrediting the Bible. "They said it has been rewritten 10 times, and it’s being rewritten again. They said, ‘It’s not God writing it, so who is? It is just lies’." They also told him Christians were dirty.

As for the merits of Islam: "They said the Koran says you can take things from people. And they said they were cleaning up the streets by killing drug dealers. And when that happens a few times you have other criminals thinking it might be sensible to join Islam or they’ll be killed too."”

“MSG to avs: the first av who detect this worm will be the first killed in the next 24hours!!!”

“After an average playtime of 56 hours over the course of a month with "Asheron's Call 2," a popular MMRPG, or "massively multi-layer online role-playing game," researchers found "no strong effects associated with aggression caused by this violent game," said Dmitri Williams, the lead author of the study.”

“A man described as a finance industry professional appeared in an Australian court on Friday charged with animal cruelty, bestiality and drug offences after the deaths of 17 rabbits and a guinea pig.

[...]

He was charged with 18 counts of aggravated cruelty to animals, one count of bestiality and two counts of possession of cannabis, a prohibited drug, for offences committed between July 20 and August 20, police said.”

take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.

[Homosexuality] is a disorder, despite the denials of the American Psychiatric Association. Great political pressure was exerted on this professional organization by gays and lesbians (some of whom are psychiatrists) to declare homosexuality to be "normal." The debate went on for years. Finally, a decision was made in 1973 to remove this condition from their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). It was made not on the basis of science, but was strongly influenced by a poll of APA members[.]

“It can be said, however, that The X-Files had two audiences - one composed of early fans, some of whom lost interest halfway through the series, and a new, enthusiastic fanbase who were enamoured of the show's mainstream popularity.”

“Issac, also known as Osman Hussein, was questioned in a Rome jail for three hours in the presence of British investigators.

"He knew there were explosives, but it was just to make noise, not to kill," Issac's lawyer, Antonietta Sonnessa, told reporters after the questioning. "It was just for show and was not intended to hurt anybody."”

“Two men were able to breach security at George Clooney's Italian villa by pressing the intercom and saying "Ciao - it's George", The Mirror claims today.”

“1. Witty banter.
2. Doomed relationship angst.
3. Monkeys Apes.
4. Spider-Friendship.
5. Fruit Pies. You heard me. Fruit. Pies.

This series is a look at Spider-Man and the Human Torch's budding friendship through their early years as superheroes. The timeframe of this issue is post Gwen Stacy's death. Pete's feeling down, so he picks up calls on his ol' pal Johnny Storm to take a ride with him...”

“There are five houses in a row in different colors. In each house lives a person with a different nationality. The five owners drink a different drink, smoke a different brand of cigar and keep a different pet, one of which is a Walleye Pike.

The question is-- who owns the fish?”

“The Island (DreamWorks)

Paul Clinton, CNN Online: "Best film this summer ... a must-see movie!"
Actual line: " 'The Island' isn't the best sci-fi thriller out there this summer--'War of the Worlds' wins by miles--but it's enjoyable."
Absolutely wrong, and there is no mention of "must-see," so far as Gelf can see. For so blatantly misrepresenting the critic's views, this blurb receives Gelf's award of Bogus Blurb of the Week.”